real talk: counterfeit joy

Occasionally you will find these "real talk" posts. These are posts that are more like journal entries in which I want to share some of my personal struggles or revelations. I hope that you find them helpful or can relate on some level. 

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You want to know what I struggle with? Like big-time struggle, on the daily? Discontent. Or covetousness; wanting more than what I have; not being happy with what has been given to me. It goes beyond the normal desiring of something better, to feelings of bitterness because I don't have those things, or obsessively thinking about them. As a Christian, there's nothing inherently wrong with desiring things. But if my desires lead me to discontent, that is sinful.

I could give you dozens of examples, but the big one is a larger house. Not a giant house, a modest one so long as it's bigger than our current one. But regardless of the size or newness, it still has become an area of covetousness. I become angry when I dwell on our current living situation and why we are still in this home, the 3-year home that has somehow become a 5-year home. The just-married home, but now married with 1 child and running a home-business home. The bursting at the seams and stunting our growth home. See that? I have a lot of feelings.

I have known for a long time that this is problem, but only recently began to openly admit it and call it what it is. Rather than wresting with my problem and trying to fix it, I'm surrendering. I know that by my own strength I will never be able to overcome this.

Joy or happiness?

Tim Keller differentiates joy from happiness: 

There's a big difference between joy and happiness. Happiness comes from the comfort of having things that you want. Joy is a deep kind of rejoicing; an assurance, a security, a mirth...down deep that says, "I've got the only thing that really matters." ...The counterfeit of joy is happiness, which rests in the blessings, not the blesser.

I have been taking stock in "the blessings" to make me happy, and not the blesser. I think a lot of people struggle with this, but blessings can appear in different forms. It can be materialistic, or it can even be something noble. What is the one thing, besides God, that you count on to make you happy? Is it a child? A career? A significant other? Recognition of some kind?

"Comparison is the thief of joy." We see this quote all over Pinterest. But the more I think about joy, the more I realize what steals mine. I don't think it's comparison (which is just a nice word for envy anyway, right?), I think it's looking to anything but God to give me joy. Houses crumble, people pass away, awards can be taken or forgotten, but His love never fails.

I don't have this all figured out; my struggle is still very real. But being aware of my sin and my struggles makes me all the more grateful for God's grace.

Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:7–19